Dear Diary,
I am anorexic and my boyfriend is a steroid addicted body builder. We
are chasing the ideal of perfection but as soon as we think we are close,
perfection leaves us in the dust. When we look at each other--words are not
needed; we are thinking the same thing--"so close, yet so far away." When you
start measuring yourself against a one-dimensional ideal such as appearance or
physical strength; the goal always seems attainable but never reachable. It's
like being on a treadmill and running as fast as you can but not going anywhere.
I don't know how he feels but I feel like livestock. This notion of the ideal
weight is really getting to me--especially when I run into people that personify
"Barbie" and "Ken." I know comparing is one-dimensional, but I can't help doing
it--I am ADDICTED. My boyfriend probably has the same sentiments though we
never talk about it. In the words of the late Malcolm X, I think we have been
TRICKED, HAD, HOODWINKED, and BAMBOOZLED! The truth is spirit wants to
repudiate this false philosophy but flesh(that one dimensional part of us) as
taken over.
Sincerely,
A One Dimensional Life
Have you ever pursued and chased something that is ephemeral? I am not
talking about having healthy goals that make you a better you. I am pointing to
distorted obsessive standards that destroy every thing else in your life. Being
physically fit is an enviable goal--being anorexic or a steroid junkie body
builder is another story. I have had times in my life when I was chasing the
wind knowing that I would never be able to catch it. It was like that one thing
mattered so much, nothing else could compete with it--LIFE WAS THAT ONE THING!
We have all been there at some point in our lives. Maybe it wasn't the perfect
body that was your quest--it might be status, ego, fame, or being in
love--REALLY IT COULD BE ANYTHING. Once you get on that treadmill of "one
dimensionality"-- you can never get enough. It is addictive and it becomes a
never ending abyss. You can't feed it enough--it always wants more. Life
is not one-dimensional, but rather complex with
paradoxes. We are not one-dimensional, God never meant us to
be. Let's not lose sight of who we are and where we live, move and have our
being. This is Tuesday talk, I hope you heard me.
©2010 Theda Okona All Rights Reserved